To The Teacher Whose Exam I Didn’t Study For

Well, I know it’s probably pretty obvious from my performance that I gave my preparation for this exam anywhere from a ‘completely nonexistent’ to ‘barely meager’ amount of effort.


It could have been because, between this, the class that makes me pull my hair out, the upcoming project that had me head-butting the study desks in the second floor of the library, and my lab partner being just slightly more present than my actual interest in the material to be covered in the report, that your class just took the backburner this time around. It also could have been because, through some oversight of God, your test didn’t land on the same week that the syllabus had me scheduled to cure cancer, but I instead ended up flipping back and forth between the notes and Episode 13 in season 5 of “The Office”, appropriately titled “Stress Relief”. Luckily I had my girlfriend there to hound me about staying focused and also about “maybe taking her out for a date sometime”, with my response to both of those being the same – “Doubtful”.

It isn’t your fault either. Well, maybe it is. I’m still not convinced all of my professors don’t get together to plan their assignments in the least convenient way possible. I understand that salaries in the education realm aren’t very high, but I feel like rigging the “Who is going to drop out by January” betting pool that you guys have by stacking a third test into next Thursday isn’t the most moral way to make some side cash.

To be honest, all that I ask for every semester is the opportunity to lock myself in the library for a few days at the end of the semester due to the fact that every one of my finals is “make or break”. So in a way, I set goals for this exam. I set them at the beginning of the semester, to give myself the opportunity to underperform spectacularly and then be disappointed by my final grade, thinking back on how if I just put forth a little more effort, I could have aced the course.

That is what I accomplished on this exam; my goals guided my studying in a way that allowed the lackadaisical amount of effort that puts me probably at exactly a 61 for this exam. With just enough distractions, I’ll be sure to get a 76 on the final, leaving me with a D in the class, probably just two points short of a C and a perfect Cinderella story. Although, who knows? Maybe I’ll surprise everyone and fail it spectacularly.


See you again next semester,

Perpetual Rambler


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